Nobody Asked, Karen (ShiFt Happens)

Published about 1 month ago • 3 min read

My friend was at her desk, minding her business, unwrapping a sandwich, when her coworker leaned over and said, "Oh, you're eating that for lunch?"

Five words. That's all it took. My friend went full courtroom drama. Macros. Meal prep app screenshots. A gluten explanation nobody requested, delivered with the energy of someone defending a thesis.

The coworker just nodded and walked away. She wasn't collecting data. She was being weird about a sandwich and my friend handed her a whole explanation nobody asked for, receipts and all.

She told me this later, laughing, then stopped laughing and asked, "Wait, why did I explain that?"

Great question. Here's why.

What's Happening

When someone hits you with a fake question, your brain hears a question mark and goes straight into answer mode, no questions asked, no fact checking, nothing. It doesn't stop to check if the person actually wants information or only wants to get a reaction out of you while hiding behind punctuation. It just fires. Like a smoke alarm going off because you made toast, not because your house is on fire.

"Oh, you're eating that for lunch?" was never a real question. It's an opinion, dressed up so it doesn't have to own itself.

Same with:

"Are you really going to wear that?"
"You're leaving already?"
"Do you always have to be so sensitive?"

None of them actually want your reasoning. They want you to feel something, usually small, and your brain keeps handing over a full explanation instead of clocking what's really going on.

A question mark is punctuation. It is not a court order. You are allowed to see one coming and not open the door.

Try this ShiFt

Stop answering the fake question. Answer the real one instead.

Coworker: "Oh, you're eating that for lunch?"
You: "You've got thoughts about my lunch, huh."

Partner: "Are you really going to wear that?"
You: "You don't love this outfit. Got it."

Someone leaving a party: "You're leaving already?"
You: "You wanted me to stay longer. Noted."

Literally anyone: "Do you always have to be so sensitive?"
You: "You think I'm overreacting. Cool."

Say it flat. No question mark on your end. You're not asking permission to have noticed the thing. Then stop talking. Do not soften it with a laugh. Do not add "jk." The silence after is doing all the work, let it work.

That's literally it. Nobody's putting you on trial. Case closed.

Your Turn

This week, catch the fake questions before you answer them. Someone's going to hand you one dressed up in a question mark, and you're going to see the costume this time.

And here's something new. People kept asking me for this because they wanted my words in their pocket for the moments they didn't know what to say and how to say it. So I built it.

Dr. Renea AI. It's basically a ChatGPT of my brain.

Paste in the text, the email, the comment - whatever's making your brain itch. Doesn't matter who it's from: your kid, your parent, your partner, your friend, your boss.

Then you can ask it two things:

"What's really happening here?"
"What do I say back?"

You'll get both the read on what's actually going on, and the exact words to say back.

People are already using it to catch things they would've missed for years. Don't be the one still explaining your sandwich.

Check it out below.